Five Minutes with a Pen: The Friendship Audit

Oct 5

4 min read

In Good Company blog | Monday 5 October 2026

You know the moment. You're standing in the kitchen waiting for the kettle, you pick up your phone, and there's a name sitting there.

Someone you genuinely like.

And you think, "I should send her a message."

Then the kettle boils, the day carries on, and the phone goes face down on the bench.

Mine happened just before the school holidays. A beautiful friend of mine, someone I love but rarely see because we live in different places, sent me a message asking if I was free the second week of the holidays, and if the boys and I wanted to come and stay with them.

They live at the beach, so it would have been ideal.

I read it, and then I completely forgot about it until the second week of the holidays.

So now I feel very sheepish, and like a bad friend for not replying. I know I have some grovelling to do there.

So I sent the text.

I sent the text apologising for my slackness and oversightendness and all of the possible reasons I could be so remiss.

And as we all know, life is busy and complicated, we are of course all good and will hopefully catch up soon.

I know that one happens to lots and lots of us. A message lands, life gets busy, and the reply sits there quietly waiting.

It feels tiny and enormous at the same time. That's exactly why I want to share a little exercise with you today.

It takes five minutes and a pen. I call it the friendship audit.

Coffee cup, blank spiral notebook, pencil, and dried flower on a chunky knit blanket, creating a cozy still life.

I'll be honest, the word audit sounds like tax time, so let's agree that this one is a lot more fun.

Here's what I've noticed. Most of us have a feeling about our friendships.

A vague sense that things have gone a bit quiet, or that we should catch up with a few people.

A feeling is quite fuzzy though. It's hard to do anything with fuzzy.

Put it on paper and it gets clear very quickly. You can see who's there, who you've reached out to, and who makes you feel good.

And once you can see where your friendships sit right now, you know where to start.

The Friendship Audit

Green-and-cream friendship audit poster with heart doodle and prompts about reaching out, texting, calling, and energy.

Grab a pen and something to write on. Paper is lovely for this, but a notes app works too.

Set a timer for five minutes, and off you go.

Who have you already reached out to?

Write down the people you've already been in touch with in your own life. Small things count here, a text, a comment on a photo, a quick hello at the shops.

You might be surprised by how many names turn up.

Have you sent the text?

Back to the name on your phone, and this includes the messages still waiting for a reply. Write the name down, and next to it, write the message you'd send if it felt easy.

Something small and warm is plenty.

Have you made the call?

I know a phone call can feel like a big step these days, because everyone texts.

But a quick hello by phone is a lovely thing to receive.

Who gives you energy?

This is the one I think matters most.

Think about the people who leave you feeling good after you've spent time with them. Lighter, a bit taller, laughing more.

Do you know the sort of people who give you energy? Write down whoever comes to mind.

So, a few things that help.

Write the names first and let them come as they come. Tidying can wait.

Keep it to five minutes. A timer keeps it light, and it keeps it fun.

Circle the energy people. Those are your people to lean towards.

Pick one small next step. One text, one call, or one "should we grab a coffee?" That's plenty.

Person texting at a rustic café table with two lattes, pink flowers, and salt shakers.

I know a quiet social calendar can feel like a problem, and I'd love you to hear that it's a very normal stage of life.

Friendship in midlife is something we rebuild, on purpose, at every stage of life.

Careers change, relationships change, kids grow up and people move away. The circle that carried you through one chapter gets a little different in the next.

That's simply how it goes.

A quieter calendar leaves room for the right people. The goal is quality over quantity, the right sort of friends, which is a lovely thing to be a little picky about.

And here's the part I find quite freeing. Someone has to send the first text, and it might as well be you.

I am thankful for the friends who reached out after the podcast last week. It was truly amazing, people I hadn't heard from in years, and friends who I occasionally catch up with, all taking my advice to just send the text. I loved it. Now to just get the microphone working how I want it.